UNDERSTANDING GRIEF
WHEN A GRANDCHILD DIES:
The grandparent-grandchild relationship is a very special one. When a grandchild
dies, grandparents grieve, too. They grieve not for their grandchild, but also
share in the grief of the bereaved parents. For grandparents, the hardest part
is a sense of helplessness they feel for the child's parents suffering. When a
child dies both the parents and grandparents lose part of their future.
HOW CAN I HELP.... WHEN A CHILD DIES?
A child has died. Regardless of the child's age or the circumstances of death,
you feel empty and helpless. What can you say that will ease the pain and help
mend the hurts?
CARING FOR SURVIVING CHILDREN:
The guidelines have been gathered from bereaved parents, surviving children and
the writings of professional caregivers. Feeling & symptoms of grief for a child
are similar to those of an adult. They may also seem outwardly confused and
defensive about death.
UNDERSTANDING GRIEF WHEN A CHILD DIES:
Grief, with its many ups and downs, lasts far longer than society in general
recognizes. Be patient with yourself. Each person's grief is individual. You and
your spouse will experience it and cope with it differently.
STILLBIRTH, MISCARRIAGE AND INFANT DEATH:
A baby's death is one of the most painful and traumatic experiences a parent
will confront in a lifetime. Although nothing can take away the pain you feel
right now.
It may be helpful to know what others have experienced or found comforting as
they struggled to deal with the intense grief that followed the death of their
child.
STEPPARENTS WHEN A CHILD DIES:
The death of a stepchild sets into motion complex issues which vary from family
to family for many different reasons. The length and quality of the marriage and
the nature of the biological parent or child relationship play a primary role in
the grief that follows. Some times personality conflicts make warm relationships
impossible, often leaving the stepparent with ambivalent feelings of relief and
remorse which further complicates and already complicated situation.
SURVIVING YOUR CHILD'S SUICIDE:
The suicide of a child presents unique circumstances that intensify and prolong
the parent's
mourning. Suicide is a reaction to overwhelming feelings of loneliness,
helplessness and depression. It occurs when a person's pain exceeds his/her
resources and his/her ability to cope. It is the third leading cause of death
for people 15 to 24 years of age and the sixth leading cause of death for
children 5 to 14.
WHEN A BROTHER OR SISTER DIES:
"I was just an average teenager. I had my friends and school activities. My
family was just my family. Then the worst nightmare imaginable happened. My
sister died. Jennifer was 17". In a world suddenly gone crazy, how can you keep
your balance? How can you cope with something that is shattering to you as well
as to those adults most important to you ? You may have the same or very few of
the emotions your other family members are showing.
PARENTS WHO ARE NOW CHILDLESS:
The death of any child overwhelms that child's parents regardless of the cause
of death or the age of the child. Parental grief is intense, long-lasting and
complex. Many believe that this grief, desolation, and pain exceed all other
bereavement experiences a person encounters in a lifetime. Bereaved parents are
completely bewildered and find it very difficult just to function. Someday, you
will recognize that you are making progress in your journey through grief.
WHEN A CO-WORKER IS GRIEVING THE DEATH OF A CHILD:
A child has died. There are no words to make that right. There are some things
you can do to be supportive. How can I help at the time of death? What can I
say? There are on magic words. A hug or just a touch will give comfort. Mention
the name of the child & continue your contact.
SUGGESTIONS FOR THE CLERGY:
Try to understand what is being spoken without questions. Provide a caring
presence. Just listen & do not interrupt. Allow silence. Let all the family help
in the preparation of the service for their loved one. Suggest The Compassionate
Friends for help in the grief healing process. Give comfort by being present &
listening.
If any of the above titles are of interest to you, please contact The
Compassionate Friends headquarters:
The Compassionate Friends National Office
PO Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522
Phone: (877) 969-0010 (toll-free) or (630) 990-0010
Fax: (630) 990-0246
www.compassionatefriends.org
